My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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