i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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