I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
