U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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