put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
