The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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