We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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