real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
