how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
