I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize