I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize