I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to make out with him forever
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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