he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
