There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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