This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
