you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
