just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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