The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
