I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
