the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
