Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
