I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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