WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
