She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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