I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
