tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
