...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
