Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
