who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
