i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
