On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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