I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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