I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
