Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
