I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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