? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
