After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
