why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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