I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't think brook has ever known best
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
