Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
