Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
