I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
