he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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