so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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