i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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