Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
