I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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