I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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