so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
