Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
