Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's never too late to be topless.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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