i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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