God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
