I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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