Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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