you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
