I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
