I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
