So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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