Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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