Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
