make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
