no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
