I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well you can't waste a boner
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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