I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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