it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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