U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
