Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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