tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
