yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
