I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
