I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
