Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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