eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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