I wannas sexs uuuuu
farters have to be the big spoon...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
