How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize