Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
