My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
