I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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