yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
where does the pee come out of this thing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize