Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
