I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
